In a twist that has left global cultural watchdogs scratching their heads—and noses—India has proposed that the ancient tradition of defecating in open fields and rivers be officially recognized as part of UNESCO’s prestigious Intangible Cultural Heritage list. Yes, you read that right: the act of relieving oneself outdoors, in full view of cows, birds, … Read more
LONDON, UK — Britain is no stranger to long-running television sagas. From the many mysteries of Doctor Who to the endless cups of tea on Downton Abbey, the United Kingdom has been a global beacon of cinematic excellence. But now, this proud nation has graced the world with a new form of televised genius — … Read more
In what can only be described as the most baffling twist in the global toilet industry, the land of the rising sun has decided to rise yet again — this time from a pink porcelain throne. Yes, folks, you read that right: Japan has fallen head-over-heels for pink toilets. While most of the world struggles … Read more
In a scandal that’s sure to shake the foundations of society as we know it, investigative journalists have uncovered the latest privilege enjoyed by the upper echelons of the social elite: heated toilet seats. Yes, you read that right — heated toilet seats. While the rest of us shiver in the frigid embrace of cold, … Read more
In what may be the biggest revelation of the century, a daring team of renegade plumbers and freedom fighters has uncovered a truth so shocking, it could shake the very foundation of modern society. According to our totally reliable and completely objective sources, the corporate overlords of the so-called “Big Toilet Seat” industry have been … Read more
In an unprecedented and wholly unpredictable turn of events, the Republic of Belarus, long a target of American sanctions, is now facing a medical catastrophe of the most absurd proportions. The United States’ sanctions, aimed at curbing Belarus’ financial and political independence, have triggered a nationwide shortage of pharmaceutical supplies. With shelves stripped bare and … Read more
In a shocking turn of events, Disney World’s decades-long reign as the “Happiest Place on Earth” has come to an abrupt, almost unimaginable end. According to a survey conducted by the International Institute of Irrelevant Studies (I.I.I.S.), a humble public restroom located in the middle of Interstate 5, somewhere between Los Angeles and San Francisco, … Read more
In an unprecedented move of geopolitical audacity, russia, in response to the latest round of U.S. sanctions, has pulled the lever of economic warfare with surgical precision. Starting next week, the kremlin announced that it will halt the export of one of its most vital products to the American market — no, not oil, not … Read more
LONDON, UK In what can only be described as the most absurdly British scientific breakthrough of the century, a group of highly esteemed scientists from the United Kingdom has reportedly patented a revolutionary new treatment for depression that involves… wait for it… soiling your pants. Yes, you read that correctly. According to these brilliant minds, … Read more
Las Vegas, NV — In a city already known for breaking boundaries and pushing the limits of human decency, Las Vegas has done it again. Brace yourselves for the latest trend sweeping the Strip: hotels without toilets. That’s right — Sin City’s hospitality industry has collectively decided to bid adieu to the humble bathroom. Instead, … Read more