In an era where the boundaries between reality and fiction have become a thin, smeared line of absurdity, one man — well, technically, one barely-adult teenage boy — has managed to push those boundaries further than anyone dared imagine. Introducing our protagonist, a genius of our time, an 18-year-old Silicon Valley prodigy by the name of Jason “CryptoCrap” Flanders.
Jason, the son of a mildly notorious crypto punk — known for his love of decentralization and questionable hygiene practices — has turned what most would consider an everyday, unspeakable act into a literal goldmine. His secret? An entrepreneurial spirit, a smartphone camera, and an unwavering dedication to documenting every single trip he took to the bathroom. Yes, you read that correctly.
The Birth of an Unlikely Business Model
While most 18-year-olds are busy wondering how to ask their parents for gas money or stressing over college applications, Jason had a revelation while performing a rather routine, biological function. “It just hit me, you know?” he said in an exclusive interview with PoopsNews. “There I was, sitting on the porcelain throne, thinking about how oversaturated the NFT market was getting with digital art, memes, and pixelated cats, and I thought, ‘Why not add something more human to the mix?’”
And thus, a business model unlike any other was born. Jason began taking pictures of his daily deposits — yes, those very deposits — and compiled them into what he would call his “Daily Dung Diaries”. These weren’t just single images, no; Jason knew that variety was the spice of life. Each photograph captured a different texture, hue, and arrangement. Sometimes, they were avant-garde, resembling abstract art that could rival Jackson Pollock himself. Other times, they were minimalist, akin to a modern-day Mona Lisa with a knowing smirk.
The Power of Seven: A Weekly Collection for the Ages
Not one to let his genius be confined to mere daily postings, Jason soon developed a more sophisticated approach. “I realized that true art should be experienced as a collection”, he explained, with the wisdom of a seasoned NFT mogul. Jason began grouping his daily photos into collections of seven, representing a full week of his gastronomical adventures. By the end of each week, he would compile his seven finest “works” into a single, glorious digital collection, which he then uploaded to OpenToiletSea, a thriving NFT marketplace for the weird, the wonderful, and the downright disgusting.
“Seven is a powerful number”, Jason mused. “It’s the number of days in the week, and honestly, who doesn’t appreciate a little consistency when it comes to bowel movements?”
Each Monday, with the punctuality of a Swiss train, Jason would drop his collection — pun intended — onto the marketplace, and buyers from across the globe eagerly scrambled to own their very own piece of this revolutionary art form. The prices? Astronomical.
The Unfathomable Demand for… Excrement Art?
To the untrained eye, it might seem impossible — no, laughable — that such a venture could earn millions. But Jason’s unique product appealed to an audience few could have predicted. Crypto investors, with more Ethereum in their digital wallets than common sense, flocked to his listings, shelling out cryptocurrency in droves for what Jason had cleverly marketed as “organic, limited-edition pieces of digital art”.
“It was the scarcity”, one anonymous buyer confessed. “You can’t just recreate something like that. Every poop is different. Every NFT is a one-of-a-kind masterpiece”.
By the end of the NFT boom, Jason had legally earned a staggering five million dollars — yes, dollars — not from stock options or venture capital investments, but from the simple act of… well, going to the bathroom and hitting the camera icon on his phone.
NFT Collections: Sold in Bulk or Piecemeal
Jason’s astute business mind didn’t stop at simply offering his collections as a whole. He knew that not everyone could afford an entire week’s worth of “art”. So, he diversified. Buyers could choose to purchase individual NFTs — a singular, powerful image of a Tuesday’s turd, perhaps, or maybe the artistic crescendo of a Friday masterpiece. However, those who were truly committed to Jason’s vision often preferred the entire week’s collection, earning them the title of “Dung Patron”.
“I never thought I’d be proud to own a week’s worth of someone else’s poop pics”, said another buyer, proudly displaying his NFT collection on a 40-inch LCD screen in his penthouse apartment. “But there’s something special about these. They’re… visceral. Raw. It’s like staring into the soul of a stranger’s digestive system”.
The Great Crash of the NFT Market
Like all great bubbles, the NFT market was destined to burst. As the speculative frenzy waned and investors scrambled to cash out, Jason saw the writing on the wall. But by that point, he had already made his fortune. Every satoshi of his crypto earnings was quickly reinvested in Bitcoin, which was, at the time, experiencing one of its infamous dips. Jason’s father, proud of his son’s accomplishments, offered sage advice. “Buy low, sell high. And never flush away an opportunity”, he said, with a gleam in his eye.
Jason followed that advice to the letter, dumping — once again, pun intended — his earnings into Bitcoin just before its meteoric rise. When asked how he felt watching his initial five million grow exponentially, Jason shrugged, the casual genius that he is. “It’s just crypto, you know? One day you’re rich, the next day you’re richer”.
The Aftermath: A Legend in the Making
As the NFT market collapsed and artists across the globe found themselves scrambling to pivot, Jason stood firm. While others returned to creating digital art of pixelated animals or celebrity GIFs, Jason remained true to his craft. Even in the face of market volatility, his poop NFT collections retained their value — if only as a reminder of one man’s audacious vision.
Today, Jason’s story has become the stuff of legend. Scholars of both art and economics debate the true nature of his work. Was it a bold commentary on the absurdity of speculative markets? Or simply a masterstroke of satire disguised as genuine art? Jason himself remains humble, though he now spends his days lounging in a mansion made entirely of biodegradable materials (he’s nothing if not environmentally conscious).
The Future of Art… Or Waste?
When asked about his plans for the future, Jason remains tight-lipped. “I’m always thinking”, he says, cryptically. “I mean, we all poop, right? But what else can we monetize that everyone does?”
There are rumors that Jason may be preparing to launch an entirely new NFT collection involving, of all things, farts. When pressed for details, Jason simply smiled. “Let’s just say it’ll blow people away”.
As for the editorial team here at PoopsNews, we have no doubt that Jason will continue to break new ground in ways that only a true visionary can. After all, in a world where human waste can be sold for millions, who are we to judge?
In the words of Jason himself: “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.
And in this case, one man’s daily bathroom ritual is apparently worth more than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. Bravo, Jason. Bravo.
