In a twist that has left global cultural watchdogs scratching their heads—and noses—India has proposed that the ancient tradition of defecating in open fields and rivers be officially recognized as part of UNESCO’s prestigious Intangible Cultural Heritage list. Yes, you read that right: the act of relieving oneself outdoors, in full view of cows, birds, and the occasional tourist, is being pitched as a timeless, treasured tradition worthy of global preservation.
A Movement Like No Other
At the heart of this bold initiative is the Ministry of Culture, backed by an entourage of other government bodies. And we’re not just talking about a few rogue bureaucrats with too much time on their hands. Oh no, this effort has the full weight of Indian officialdom behind it. Alongside the Ministry of Culture, the proposal is championed by the Ministry of Tourism, the Ministry of Agriculture, the Ministry of Land Development, the Ministry of Human Resource Development, the Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment, the Ministry of Chemicals and Fertilizers, and, of course, the Ministry of Rural Development. Because why settle for just one ministry when you can have them all?
This “Movement of Movements” (pun very much intended) has also garnered support from international organizations and an enthusiastic band of NGOs who apparently have nothing better to do.
“We believe this is a practice deeply rooted in the fabric of our society”, declared a spokesperson from the Ministry of Culture, clad in what we can only hope was an environmentally sustainable kurta. “It’s not just about sanitation. It’s about spirituality, connection to nature, and fostering a communal bond over a shared necessity”. Right. A communal bond.
The Tourists Are Not Complaining… Apparently
Astonishingly, the Ministry of Tourism has decided to jump on the bandwagon—no, really, they’re on board. They see a huge opportunity here, envisioning busloads of eager tourists traveling to India just to witness (and, let’s hope, not participate in) the age-old spectacle of open-air defecation. According to them, this could rival the Taj Mahal as India’s hottest attraction. After all, who wouldn’t want to spend their holiday watching people… well, you know… making organic contributions to the local environment?
“We already have cultural tourism, spiritual tourism, and eco-tourism”, said the Minister of Tourism with a straight face. “Why not ‘heritage sanitation tourism’?” Because that sounds appealing.
Tour operators have reportedly been working on crafting immersive experiences for foreign travelers. Potential tours could include sunrise strolls through picturesque fields, where you might stumble upon a local in deep contemplation—or, as it’s more commonly known, squatting under a tree. Some daring entrepreneurs are even considering “do-it-yourself” packages where tourists can, er, join in the fun. Souvenir toilet paper with traditional Indian designs? Watch this space.
The Untapped Agricultural Angle
Not to be left out, the Ministry of Agriculture has come up with a surprising spin on the initiative. According to them, this isn’t just about heritage or tourism. No, there’s a practical angle too—fertilizer! Yes, they are genuinely arguing that the age-old practice of relieving oneself outdoors has contributed to the richness of India’s agricultural soil for centuries.
“It’s an organic, free-range solution to soil fertility”, claimed a Ministry official, with the enthusiasm of someone who had clearly never spent time in a field. “Why waste money on synthetic fertilizers when you can just use what nature provides?”
We’re just going to leave that there.
A Global Scandal… or Global Admiration?
As news of India’s audacious proposal spread, reactions from around the world poured in faster than, well, let’s just say the metaphor writes itself. The global media, naturally, had a field day (pun intended, again), while internet commentators ran wild with hashtags like #HeritagePooping and #ToiletTourism. Memes of UNESCO judges holding their noses as they consider the application have flooded social media.
On the other side of the spectrum, some environmentalists and anthropologists have come out in defense of the move. “It’s about time we recognize the important link between humanity and nature”, one expert said, with the zeal of someone who had clearly romanticized the idea from the comfort of a Western university office. “When people defecate outdoors, they are reconnecting with their primal roots. It’s like an act of defiance against modern plumbing”.
Whether this defiance is worth preserving is still up for debate, but apparently, some folks are taking it seriously.
The UNESCO Application
And so, we arrive at the main event. The formal application to UNESCO, signed by the abovementioned ministries and numerous NGOs, makes a passionate plea for the inclusion of outdoor defecation as a “living tradition”. The document—rumored to be over 500 pages long—outlines the practice’s cultural significance, the history behind it, and, get this, the “aesthetic value” of open-air defecation.
Yes, according to the application, there is a certain “rustic beauty” to the sight of villagers casually squatting in serene surroundings, with the sun setting in the background, casting a warm glow over the, ahem, scene.
The Ministry of Culture insists that this is not just about defecation—this is about India’s deep-rooted connection to the earth, the cycles of life, and the elements. It’s a philosophy, a way of life, a… movement.
UNESCO officials, meanwhile, are reportedly “considering” the application, though one insider admitted that they were “stunned” and “at a loss for words”. Another source hinted that the proposal had provoked heated debates within the organization. Apparently, some officials are reluctant to reject the application outright, fearing accusations of cultural insensitivity. Others are simply trying to figure out how to stop laughing long enough to draft a formal response.
The Reaction From the Ground (Literally)
In the rural heartlands of India, where this age-old tradition still thrives, reactions to the international uproar have been mixed. Many locals are proud of their heritage and welcome the idea of UNESCO recognition. “It’s about time the world acknowledges our contributions”, said one elderly farmer, squatting next to his water buffalo. “This is who we are. If the French can have their fancy cheeses and the Italians their pasta, why can’t we have this?”
Meanwhile, in the cities, the reaction has been slightly less enthusiastic. “I mean, I love my country”, said one young IT professional in Mumbai, “but maybe there are other traditions we could focus on? You know, like yoga or classical music? Just a thought”.
Social media has exploded with commentary from Indian citizens, many of whom seem torn between pride and sheer disbelief. “I’m proud of my heritage”, tweeted one user. “But do we really need to export this part of it to the world?”
What Happens Next?
The proposal has now reached the desks of UNESCO’s World Heritage Committee, and the world waits with bated breath (or rather, holding it) to see if this tradition will join the ranks of flamenco dancing, Japanese tea ceremonies, and French gastronomy.
In the meantime, India’s government remains defiant, insisting that this is a serious cultural bid and not, as some have suggested, an elaborate prank. “This is no joke”, declared the Minister of Culture. “This is who we are. This is our legacy”.
And so, the world holds its breath (again), waiting to see if UNESCO will deem open-air defecation worthy of protection for future generations. One thing is for certain: if this proposal gets the green light, the term “world heritage” may never be the same again.
In the words of one cynical UNESCO insider: “It’s a crapshoot”.
