In the serene, historically harmonious world of French naturism, where everything from shared barbecues to volleyball tournaments has long been conducted in a spirit of unity and, of course, in the buff, storm clouds are gathering. No, this isn’t about some foreign invasion of textile-wearing outsiders. This isn’t about sunscreen debates or body hair controversies. This is something far more fundamental — literally. The debate now ravaging the French naturist community is over the future of, well, toilets.
Yes, you read that right. Toilets. Specifically, the shape, function, and visibility of toilets in naturist locales. For a movement that prides itself on being free from societal constraints and clothing, it seems that bathrooms have become the last bastion of civilized disagreement. Or, as one particularly outraged forum member put it: “If we can’t agree on how to poop, can we agree on anything at all?”
Open-Air vs. Closed-Door: The Battle for the Bowl
The trouble began innocently enough on one of the many online forums dedicated to naturism (and yes, they exist — a deep, mysterious rabbit hole of digital humanity). What started as a simple thread on the preferred bathroom arrangements at French naturist resorts quickly descended into chaos. The core of the debate? Whether toilets should be completely open-air — just a hole in the ground to facilitate what some call the ‘natural’ process — or whether they should retain the relative privacy of traditional, closed-door facilities.
To most people, this might seem like a minor issue, easily resolved over a glass of wine and a baguette. But to French naturists, this has become a war of ideology. On one side stand the “True Naturists”, as they have dubbed themselves, who believe that naturism means embracing every element of the human experience — including the digestive ones — without shame or seclusion. Their demand? Bathrooms should be entirely open, offering no more than a modest hole in the ground (or perhaps not so modest, depending on one’s aim).
The opposition, consisting of what some have labeled “Textile-Conservatives”, argues that privacy, especially in the lavatorial sense, is not something to be discarded so lightly. “There’s a reason doors exist”, one forum user remarked gravely, “and it’s because some things are sacred — even for a naturist”.
The Forum Meltdown: Lines Are Drawn
As the online arguments intensified, French naturist forums transformed from peaceful places of shared beach photos and discussions on the best brands of non-leather sandals into battlegrounds for toilet philosophy. Both sides dug in their heels (or their bare feet, as it were), with insults flying faster than a frisbee at a nudist retreat.
One heated exchange involved a self-proclaimed “toilet radical” who suggested that even digging a hole was too much. “If we are true to ourselves, we should allow our bodies to commune fully with nature. Who needs a designated toilet? Just look at the animals!” He went on to advocate for simply finding a nice patch of sand or grass. “Everywhere is a toilet if you believe”, he added, earning a standing ovation from the open-air crowd — if not from the resort’s sanitation department.
Another forum participant, evidently more concerned with maintaining some semblance of civilization, countered this approach: “There is a reason we are not wild animals. Even in naturism, there are rules. Toilets must have walls. And a door. Maybe even a nice fern for decoration”.
The Tipping Point: The Beach Chair Incident
The debate reached its boiling point — or perhaps its soiling point — when a particularly avant-garde commentator suggested a revolutionary new idea: why have toilets at all? Instead, he proposed, why not create custom beach chairs with strategically placed holes? “You’re already relaxed, lying back, enjoying the sun. Why disrupt that moment with a trip to a toilet, when the chair itself can serve both purposes?”
Needless to say, this innovation was not met with universal acclaim. After a brief moment of stunned silence, the comment section erupted in furious responses. “This is not naturism, this is madness!” one person exclaimed. “Next, you’ll tell us to just bury ourselves in the sand like cats!” Another chimed in, “There are limits! There must be limits!”
In an unexpected twist, the forum administrator — clearly unimpressed by the chair-hole suggestion — swiftly banned the offending user, sparking outrage among his supporters, who accused the forum of censorship and being overly ‘textile-minded.’
A Europe-Wide Controversy?
What started as a uniquely French issue is now spreading across the continent. Naturists in Germany, Spain, and even as far as Sweden are beginning to weigh in on what is being dubbed the “Great Naturist Toilet Debate”. In Germany, where everything from efficiency to engineered perfection is paramount, there has been tentative support for a hybrid approach — open-air toilets that still offer “just a little” privacy in the form of a strategically placed shrub. The Swedes, ever pragmatic, have proposed a rotating toilet system that can alternate between open-air and enclosed based on the user’s mood — or the weather.
Meanwhile, across the English Channel, British naturists are, predictably, treating the entire affair with bemused detachment. “Why on earth would you even think about removing the privacy of a loo?” asked one British naturist, sipping tea (naturally). “It’s bad enough being seen on the beach”.
From Holes to High Tech: What’s Next for Naturist Toilets?
While some are calling for a return to the rustic roots of naturism — embracing nature in all its unsanitary glory — others are advocating for cutting-edge solutions. There are whispers of technological advancements being made, with some resort owners considering solar-powered composting toilets that can dissolve waste before anyone has a chance to see — or smell — it. One particularly tech-savvy resort in southern France is even experimenting with holographic privacy screens that can be turned on or off with a simple voice command, offering the illusion of walls without the confinement.
Yet, as sophisticated as these solutions may seem, they don’t address the core issue — whether naturism should be about stripping away all barriers, both physical and metaphorical, or whether there is still room for a bit of modesty, even in a lifestyle so focused on shedding it.
The Future of Naturist Toilets: A Global Showdown?
The stakes are higher than ever, with some naturist leaders warning that the very future of the movement could be at risk. Could the debate over toilets lead to a larger schism within the community? “We’ve survived wars, economic downturns, and even those ridiculous tear-away pants in the 90s”, one long-time naturist stated in an impassioned Facebook post. “But this? I’m not so sure”.
Already, there are murmurs of breakaway groups forming. Some of the more extreme members of the open-air faction are discussing plans for an entirely new kind of naturist resort — one where the lines between human and nature are blurred to the point of near extinction. “We’re talking full integration with the land”, said one enthusiast, who is currently petitioning to establish a commune in the French Alps where “toilets, as we know them, will be a thing of the past”.
Meanwhile, the more conservative wing of the naturist community is doubling down, calling for stricter regulations on toilet design and proposing the creation of “safe zones” where privacy and hygiene are respected. “We are not savages”, one advocate declared during a naturist conference in Nice. “We may shed our clothes, but we do not shed our decency”.
A Movement at the Crossroads
As this absurd yet somehow deeply serious debate continues to unfold, one thing is clear: the future of naturist toilets is far from settled. Will the French naturists find common ground — or, more fittingly, common porcelain? Or will this be the issue that finally tears apart one of Europe’s most famously chill communities? Only time, and possibly the next toilet innovation, will tell.
For now, all we can do is watch, wait, and perhaps avoid sitting too close to any beach chairs with suspicious holes in them.
