In an unprecedented move of geopolitical audacity, russia, in response to the latest round of U.S. sanctions, has pulled the lever of economic warfare with surgical precision. Starting next week, the kremlin announced that it will halt the export of one of its most vital products to the American market — no, not oil, not … Read more
LONDON, UK In what can only be described as the most absurdly British scientific breakthrough of the century, a group of highly esteemed scientists from the United Kingdom has reportedly patented a revolutionary new treatment for depression that involves… wait for it… soiling your pants. Yes, you read that correctly. According to these brilliant minds, … Read more
Las Vegas, NV — In a city already known for breaking boundaries and pushing the limits of human decency, Las Vegas has done it again. Brace yourselves for the latest trend sweeping the Strip: hotels without toilets. That’s right — Sin City’s hospitality industry has collectively decided to bid adieu to the humble bathroom. Instead, … Read more
In what is being described as perhaps the most perplexing incident of the year, a local man stumbled upon his wife engaging in an activity that could only be classified as “culinary chaos”. Late one night, while searching for a midnight snack himself, the unsuspecting husband discovered his beloved spouse standing in front of the … Read more
A Matter of National Importance In a shocking revelation that has gripped the nation, a recent study conducted by the prestigious Institute of Extremely Important Research (IEIR) has revealed that 99% of Americans are unsure whether they should leave the toilet seat up or down. This issue, previously thought to be a trivial matter, has … Read more
The Unlikely Hero of the Apocalypse In a shocking twist that no one saw coming (except maybe the toilet paper industry), American toilets have officially been named the safest place to be during a zombie apocalypse. This groundbreaking revelation comes from a study conducted by the highly reputable Institute of Utter Nonsense and Speculative Studies … Read more
In a move that has stunned political pundits and pet owners alike, the United States Senate has embarked on a fierce debate over an unprecedented legislative proposal: the “Pet Privacy Protection Act” (PPPA). The bill, a landmark in animal rights and privacy law, seeks to enshrine the right to privacy for pets using bathrooms in … Read more