By PoopsNews.com
In a world where love is complicated, emotions run high, and the number of bathroom breaks during a date is on the rise, a burning question has emerged: should you talk about toilets on a date? The jury is still out, but we’ve gathered the most absurd data, wild opinions, and ridiculous experiences from people who aren’t afraid to blend bathroom breaks with the tender art of wooing.
The Age-Old Debate: Romance or Restroom?
Picture this: you’re sitting across from someone with soft lighting overhead, the delicate clink of cutlery in the background, and the subtle tension of a first date. Suddenly, the conversation drifts toward topics like family, hobbies, and… restrooms? Is it acceptable to mention your last dramatic encounter with a malfunctioning bidet at a Michelin-star restaurant? Or, perhaps, should you describe that one time you had a near-miss with a clogged toilet at a Taco Bell? After all, if we’re being honest, nothing says vulnerable quite like bathroom-related mishaps.
Psychologists (who may or may not exist) have pointed out that toilets are a metaphor for relationships. “A couple that can navigate a conversation about the complexities of public restrooms is a couple that can endure”, says Dr. Fanny Flush, an expert in the highly controversial field of Bathroom Talk in Romance. According to Flush, avoiding the topic of toilets on a date is akin to ignoring the elephant in the room, or more accurately, the elephant in the restroom.
But not everyone agrees. Some maintain that such frankness is a one-way ticket to the friend zone or worse, the “never call them again” zone. Romance, after all, thrives on mystery, and few things demystify a person faster than hearing about their gastrointestinal adventures during appetizers.
The Restroom Icebreaker: Yay or Nay?
While some prefer to test the waters with standard icebreakers like “What do you do for fun?” or “Where did you grow up?”, others have chosen a more unconventional route: “How many toilet paper squares do you think is the polite amount to use when visiting someone’s house?”
Believe it or not, this bold move has surprisingly led to fascinating conversations. Amanda, a 28-year-old from Brooklyn, recalls a date where the topic of flushable wipes came up just after the dessert course. “I thought it was the weirdest thing at first, but then we ended up having this hilarious discussion about how all public bathrooms should provide them”, she said. The result? “It was our first date, and now we’ve been together for two years. We even bought a toilet seat warmer together. It’s love!”
However, not all restroom talk leads to long-term relationships. Brad, a 31-year-old from Seattle, shared a tragic tale: “I thought I’d be funny and mentioned how I always judge a restaurant based on the state of its bathrooms. She laughed at first, but then she just stared at me as if I’d said something horrifying. Turns out she had a phobia of public restrooms”. After an awkward silence and no second date, Brad now believes that “maybe some topics are best left… unsaid”.
The Art of Timing: When Is It Appropriate?
Timing is everything when it comes to discussing bathroom habits. Experts recommend that dropping a toilet bomb (pun intended) too early in the date can lead to a quick demise of any romantic potential. First-date jitters are natural, but jumping straight into a blow-by-blow account of your battle with lactose intolerance during a screening of Titanic might not be the right way to go.
“I’ve always believed that the third date is the right time to introduce bathroom talk”, says Samantha Peevey, a self-proclaimed “relationship guru” and moderator of the wildly popular forum, “When Do We Talk About Toilets?” “By the third date, you’ve already established some level of trust. If you can’t talk about the quirks of your digestive system by then, what hope is there for long-term happiness?”
But beware of the trap of toilet talk too soon. As Samantha warns, “Once, I made the mistake of bringing up my obsession with the Japanese high-tech toilet industry on a second date. I thought it was a fascinating conversation, but my date didn’t agree. He excused himself to the bathroom and never came back. I’m still not sure if it was the topic or the fact that I pulled out diagrams”.
Flirting in the Age of Porcelain Thrones
Some say that romance is dead, but clearly, those people haven’t tried seducing someone with toilet humor. From quirky metaphors like “You make my heart flush” to more straightforward compliments such as “I could watch you fold toilet paper into swans all day”, flirting has entered a new era: the era of the porcelain throne.
Gone are the days when wooing involved roses and chocolates. Now, nothing says “I’m into you” quite like comparing your favorite plunger techniques. Consider Tom, a 29-year-old entrepreneur, who met his partner at a speed dating event where the conversation took an unexpected turn. “Everyone was talking about their jobs, their hobbies, and this one guy brought up how he’d mastered the art of unclogging a stubborn drain. I was hooked. That kind of skill is rare these days”.
If you think toilet talk can’t be sexy, think again. Jessica, a relationship coach who specializes in “unconventional attraction triggers”, insists that the key to keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship is openly discussing all aspects of life — including the less glamorous ones. “When my husband first told me he carries his own soap for public restrooms, I knew he was the one. Who doesn’t want someone who’s prepared and hygienic?”
Toilet Topics That Cross the Line (Or Maybe Don’t?)
Despite the growing trend of toilet-centric dating, some areas are still considered off-limits by the general population. Talking about whether you flush before or after standing up might lead to an immediate check request, no matter how charming you are. Similarly, engaging in a passionate debate about squatty potties could elicit raised eyebrows, especially if the other person was about to dive into a crème brûlée.
Yet, in a world that is increasingly about transparency, some couples have found that no topic is too taboo. Sharon and Greg, a couple from Boston, believe that being open about bathroom matters has brought them closer together. “There’s no mystery anymore, and that’s a good thing”, says Greg. “We both know that sometimes, we have to leave the dinner table not because the conversation is boring but because life… calls”.
Others disagree, arguing that some things should remain sacred. “I don’t want to know anything about my date’s bathroom routine”, says Denise, a firm believer in keeping romance and restrooms separated. “There are so many things we can talk about, like politics or whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza. Why go there?”
Finding the Balance Between Romance and Restroom Realism
So, where does that leave the modern romantic in the world of toilet taboos? The answer, as with most things in love, lies somewhere in the middle. You can’t ignore the inevitable — bathrooms are part of life — but you also don’t have to make them the center of every conversation. Just as you wouldn’t want to know the details of someone’s flossing technique, certain aspects of personal maintenance can remain, well, personal.
In the end, the question of whether to discuss bathrooms on a date may come down to one simple truth: if you can laugh about it together, you can probably survive just about anything. After all, love isn’t just about candlelight and slow dances — it’s about navigating clogged toilets and figuring out which way to install the toilet paper roll (over, always over).
The next time you’re on a date and the conversation stalls, don’t be afraid to throw in a little humor about the most human of activities. Who knows? Your willingness to go there just might be the spark that ignites a lifetime of bathroom adventures… together.
And if they can’t handle that, well, maybe it’s time to flush and move on.
